No Haven
by waywardkitty
Summary: JC. You can be all alone in a crowd on the holodeck. It can be less than satisfying.


No Haven

Vague spoilers for Fair Haven and Spirit Folk.

Do holograms produce bodily fluids? I think not.

Moonlight streamed throught the window, illuminating the rustic bed and it's patchwork quilt. The rest of the room was veiled in darkness but Kathryn had memorized the placement of the furniture. The looming chifferobe, the spindly dressing table. She considered lighting a candle or two. But no. He would prefer darkness.

She started to undress, no small task considering all the volumnous layers of her dress. She was down to her slip by the time she finally heard the door open and close behind her.

"Oh, Katie," he crooned. He stepped forward and reached out to her. Reached out but did not touch. His hand was trembling as it hovered near her upper arm and he seemed to be glued to the spot.

Kathryn sighed. She was going to have to take charge. Gods, how tired she was of having to take charge. She stepped forward, pressing her breast into his suspended hand.

He sucked air. His eyes were wide with wonder.

She shuffled closer to him and threaded her hands into the luxurious hair at the nape of his neck. Then, she drew him down so that she could kiss him.

The kiss was... OK. It took a moment for him to loosen his lips enough for her to nibble on them. When she finally thrust her tongue into his warm mouth, he grunted in surprise. It was a sign of things to come. During the whole encounter, she encouraged, he held back, slightly shocked.

Oh, she took her pleasure. That was what this was about, after all. She stimulated herself as she rode him. And it was a good thing that she knew how to make herself come quickly because he didn't last long. As she moved above him, she could see that his eyes were clenched shut, not because he was concentrating, but because he was totally immersed, completely overwhelmed, by the experience.

After, she spooned with him and tried to fall asleep. She failed.

"Computer, freeze program."

She sat up on the edge of the bed, naked, with her head in her hands. There was something missing, so much missing. She silently cursed herself for having locked herself out of his character controls.

She loved the romance of Fair Haven, the romance of Michael Sullivan, but the sex left so much to be desired. If only she had had the foresight to give him the expertise of a Rizan gigilo and take away his pre-Vatican II ideas about sex.

"Computer, play program Riza Beta Three."

The rustic bedroom instantly transformed into the veranda of a tropical resort.

A voice behind her said, "Welcome to Riza. I am Jarath."

Scantily clad men and women sauntered past her. A buxom blond shed her sparse coverings and slipped into the pool. Kathryn rose from the bench and turned, unashamed of her nakedness. "Hello Jareth. I'm Kathryn."

"You seem to be embracing the Rizan spirit," he said, running a hand sensually down her arm and admiring her naked body. He was tall and tan and built. His dark hair contrasted with his pale green eyes. "I think this is not your first visit to our corner of heaven."

Kathryn stepped closer to him and stroked his smooth chest. "No. It's not. Unfortunately, I can't stay long this time."

"Well then," he said with a sultry smile. "Let's make the most of the time you have."

He led her off to a sunny room with an ocean view and the bed the size of her ready room. He made perfect, lusty love to her. She was insatiable and he indulged her every whim.

As he eased her down from her fourth orgasm, she couldn't believe the need still aching inside her. She breathed deeply. The only scent in the air was of her own sweat, her own arousal. Yes, that was the problem.

She kissed him deeply. He tasted like nothing.

"Ten minues left in this holodeck session," the computer blurted.

"Computer, freeze program." She stood. Why did she think she could get anything out of this? Now where were her clothes? "Computer, end program." The room flickered out of existence. On the far side of the room, her early twentieth century dress dropped to the ground, it's hanger having dematerialized.

She dressed quickly and hurried back to her quarters. It was late. So late it was almost early, and she was thankful that no one was in the halls.

She started to strip the moment the door closed on her quarters. She took a quick sonic shower and dressed in a modest set of soft jersey pajamas. There were only a few hours until her shift started, but she might as well try to rest. She was ordering a cup of camomile from the replicator when she heard a muffled sound from the room next to hers, Chakotay's room.

"Computer, locate Commander Chakotay."

"Commander Chakotay is in his quarters."

"How many life signs are there in Commander Chakotay's quarters?"

"One."

"Status."

"Vital signs indicate that he is awake."

"Computer, is there anyone in the corridor on deck three."

"Negative."

Kathryn set down her tea and went to Chakotay's door. He answer on the second ring. 

"Kathryn. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Can I come in?"

"Sure." She breezed past him and he stepped back to let the door close. "Can I get you anything?"

"No. Thank you." She turned toward him. She hadn't really seen him when she entered, not really. He was dressed only in sweatpants and his hair was rumpled. His eyes were heavy with sleep. "Sorry. I woke you. The computer must--"

"No. I was awake. Sort of. I'm just still a little out of it. Excuse me for a minute."

She settled herself on his couch. He disappeared into his bedroom and returned wearing a long terrycloth robe over his sweats.

"I didn't know you got up so early," Kathryn said.

"I don't. Strange dreams." Erotic dreams. Of her. But that wasn't something he could tell her. He sat opposite her on the couch. "What brings you here?"

"I..." How could she talk to him about this? He was her dearest friend but there were some topics that were simply taboo. Topics that hit to close to the bones of their closeness. She stood. "I shouldn't have come."

He grasped her arm lightly. "Kathryn. It's all right. Whatever it is, you can tell me."

She gave him a little smile and sat back down. They both turned a bit on the couch to face each other. "I don't..." No that wasn't right. "Is it always the case..." She rolled her eyes at her hesitancy and blurted out. "Have you ever had holosex?"

He blinked at her. This certainly wasn't what he expected. "Yes."

"Do you find it... satisfying?"

He scrubbed his face and pulled on his ear. "Somewhat."

"Explain."

He took a breath and looked at her uncertainly. "Are you sure you want to talk about this?" This was as close as they had ever come to talking about sex. She nodded.

"It provides a physical outlet, but it obviously isn't... can't be satifying on an emotional or spiritual level. The visual element can provide the illusion of companionship, but..."

His tired mind finally put the peices together. This was about Michael Sullivan. Chakotay had encouraged the virtual relationship and here he was calling such experiences an illusion. "Look, I have to admit that my holosex experiences have been more of the one night stand variety. I guess Belanna would say I've been a typical male pig in that regard."

He expected her to somehow respond to his last statement, but she plowed forward with her questioning as if she was on a scientific quest.

"How does that compare to how you experience masturbation?"

Kathryn Janeway amazed him on a daily basis, but he couldn't believe she had just asked him about masturbation. "Actually, now that you mention it, holosex feels a lot like masterbation. For me. Sometimes masturbation is better."

"How so?"

"Well. How to put this... With holosex, I'm visually limited to the programmed scenario. I mean, I could close my eyes and imagine myself somewhere else, with someone else, but then what's the point. With masturbation, it's mostly about the fantasy in my head to begin with. I have a pretty vivid imagination. There are dimensions I can imagine that holoprograms can't simulate."

She nodded. He was grateful that he didn't have to explain further. He wasn't sure he could admit how much he needed to smell a woman's arousal, to taste her, in order to really be sexually satisfied. Sight, sound and touch just weren't enough for him.

Kathryn was staring out the viewport now. Her brow was creased by whatever was on her mind.

"Kathryn?"

"Thank you, Chakotay."

"A burden shared is a burden halved," he offered.

"I... really appreciate your openness, but I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it." Yes, the good old Captain's perogotive.

"OK." They stood simulateously, bringing them closer to one another than they had been throughout their conversation. He could smell her arousal. He wasn't sure if it was left over from her holo experience or from talking about sex with him, but he didn't care. He breathed the scent in deeply and couldn't control the expression of bliss that flickered across his face.

Her eyes shone with need and want. She licked her lips, drawing his eyes to her mouth. Electricity enveloped them.

"Chakotay." She watched the pace of his breathing pick up. Her own heart was racing along with it. She felt her resolve crumbling and she knew he knew she was weakening.

"You should go, Kathryn. You should go now." His eyes were dark with desire and his body was tense with keeping himself in check. He didn't really want her to go, but he knew she wasn't ready to stay, not the way he wanted her to stay. Oh, she might be prepared to give him a roll in the hay, but she wasn't ready to do that without regrets. They both knew it. He could bear that they had regrets about what hadn't happened between them, but he never wanted her to regret anything that did happen between them.

"Goodnight, Chakotay." She fairly ran from his quarters.

He groaned and sunk into the couch. Her scent was still heavy in the air. He freed himself from his pants and stroked himself until he came, dreaming of her all the while. His scent was mixing with hers now. It was the best sex he'd had in ages.

Kathryn stepped into her room and off to the side to let the door close. She slid down the bulkhead until she was just a puddle of needy flesh on the floor.

She took a couple deep breaths, but somehow his scent -- musky and spicy with just a touch of tossing-in-bed sweat -- wouldn't leave her senses. She shucked her pajama bottoms. She was nearly raw from her earlier exertions, but she didn't care. She rubbed herself until she came in an explotion of pain and pleasure. She thought she could smell his scent mixing with hers. It was the best sex she'd had in ages. 


End file.
